Faked Being an Extrovert: An assumed story

When I was in school, I recall many days of trying to get out of my head. I was happier in my mind. Every time I talked to people, I felt a little exhausted. I thought there was something wrong with me. I forced myself to talk in class every day. I wanted to be like the kids who appeared to be able to talk to everyone and make friends with everybody instantly. I wish to be like those “smart” kids who could dare the teacher and examine things off the top of their head. By end of PUC, I was getting there, so I thought. I was trying to “pass” as an extrovert.

The Cost of Faking It

There was a cost to my new character, but it would be years before I realized it. I repeated my act in college. I forced myself to mingle during my meals. All the time, I was with people. I improved greatly to a social being. All of my friends believed that I was an extrovert. However, my grueling attempts to force myself to socialize took toll on my body. I collapsed into bed every night. It is as if I was sleeping off a hangover.

 My Act continued into my career. After college, I joined an organization, and my colleagues believed that I am exceptionally extroverted and social. However, I was hiding my true personality and my endless energy drain. Every night I would spent hours reading books at home. Those were some of the most soothing hours of the day. Then I would fall soundly asleep. I used to be drained, so that I could sleep through friend’s video game battles and another’s loud noises.

 My years of trying to build up extroversion were already taking a toll on me. The hair on the side of my temples was already receding in my twenties. With no history of hair loss on either side of my family, I was making family history and I did not know why. I rallied on, and kept up my efforts to extrovert. I even talked to a playboy friend to learn how to talk to women.

A “Friendly” Chat

I worked exhausting 7:30 AM to 7 PM days, and the first thing I had to do in the morning was to review. I had to hit my desk writing every day when I came in. Another colleague gets in as I was getting into my actions; he started his own day a little differently, by calling me.

“Hi, what’s up?” he would say in his overly spirited voice. He would make small talk for a bit and then ask me about some unwanted gossips in office. I tried asking him to stop. There is no reason to make small talk and discuss unwanted things. However, he disagreed with my judgment. To him, it was easier if he just talked it out with someone. I tried to avoid, but he kept doing it.

Every single day his friendly chat was hitting me like a spear in the head. It punctured through my attention and effort. I just could not understand why he could not see my side of things. I knew it was not true, but I felt like he took ruthless pleasure from upsetting my morning routine.

I finally did something about colleague. I complained to manager about my problem. Manager called him immediately to tell him to stop bothering me. Later, he came to me and playfully acted as if he was scared of me. I could not believe that he still did not understand. I got out of that job, but I never forgot his behavior. He was a very kind person in general and helped me out many times. Why would such a nice person also be such an annoyance?

 Realizing My Introversion

My answer did not come until much later. One day I was at a bookstore and saw the book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain. I picked it up and found the answer to all my questions. My years of trying to be an extrovert made me forget who I am. This contender co-worker was the stereotype of an extrovert. Since neither of us understand how personality types differ, we were talking at different wavelengths during our time together.

Once I discovered Quiet, I started embracing my introversion. I learned to take breaks at parties, to be alone when needed, and most notably, I stopped trying to extrovert all the time. I no longer felt uncomfortable, if I was eating alone or if I escaped the party at night. Alone time is good. It is how introverts like to recharge. I had years’ worth of recharging to do.

I wish companies understood the differences in human personality. If getting hired included HR training about personality type, I would have known that my phone friend was an extrovert, and I would have been more prepared to handle his small talk. Equally important, he would have understood why his actions bothered my thought process.

I know who I am, I am much happier with my life. If I could offer one lesson from this, I would say: Understand yourself first before you try to change yourself.